What does it mean to be vulnerable?

Hello Beauties, it’s been a while…

As the year comes to a close and we draw ever closer to the Winter Solstice, finding time to reflect and tune in, to bring our focus inwards, is vital. So we may access a sense of compassion for ourselves in this busy, and often stressful, time. 

Today, it would seem that the Universe has called it for me, it’s been lashing down with rain and the wind howling. I found myself left only with my thoughts and the perfect invitation to go y(in) - which if I am honest, is something I have been resisting for a little while. I’ve not been able to find the words.

Vulnerability and dropping the mask; that is where I am at right now, in this crazy ride called life. Thanks to some deep Soul enquiry of late, and clear signs, I have no choice but to run deep with this theme and peel it back… 

Vulnerability is a fundamental aspect of being human - it plays a crucial role in our relationships, personal growth, mental health, and our well being. Vulnerability allows us to grow and transform, to keep on levelling up, and owning our Authentic Truth.

Yet, in a clear juxtaposition, society deems us to be strong, stoic, to keep busy, to push any emotions of vulnerability away that might possibly teeter us over the edge. To numb them with alcohol and substances, materialism, and excess. It doesn’t allow room for us to feel. 

So, let’s talk about vulnerability….And what does it mean? What forms does it take? 

Emotional Vulnerability: 

The capacity to be affected emotionally by various factors such as relationships, stress, trauma, or life events. Emotional vulnerability can impact mental health and well-being.

Emotional vulnerability refers to an individual's openness and sensitivity to emotional experiences, both positive, and negative. It involves the capacity to feel and express a wide range of emotions and the potential for these emotions to influence one's thoughts, behaviours, and overall well-being. It allows room for empathy, and a deep inner knowing. 

Psychological Vulnerability: 

The susceptibility to cognitive or mental health challenges, including conditions like anxiety, depression, or other psychological disorders.

Vulnerability can be all consuming. Exhausting - emotionally, physically, and mentally. 

But vulnerability can also be a super-power and one to be recognised, and harnessed, as such. 

I am a *feeler*. I feel it all. It used to overwhelm me and frighten me, I didn’t know what to do with my energy, so I masked it. I hid from my vulnerabilities, my big emotions. They scared me. And I quickly realised in my late 20’s and 30’s - there wasn’t a space to freely talk about them. 

Tracing it back to my own journey of vulnerability is the only way to make sene of it all …. Taking myself back to passages of time that I have chosen to disassociate from: the raw and all consuming pain that allows no room for progress. It’s not easy to get down. But in order to write about vulnerability, I must own my own…

My mental health has always been something of a struggle. Throughout my life, I always felt different. Weird. Too much… Like so many of my peers, I was bullied repeatedly, and suffered trauma throughout my life. 

It came to crunch point 18 months ago. Having witnessed my beautiful Mum passing to the next realm, and all the horrible, excruciating pain, and confusion that came with it. Days on end without brushing my teeth, or hair, non stop crying, with no one to talk to, and feeling desperately alone. 

Despite all my plethora of tools and wisdom at my fingertips, all my learnings and self development in NLP (neuro linguistic programming), mindfulness, and spirituality, I was well and truly stuck.

Until, I had no option but to confront the beast and do the work.  I did not want to carry on in the abyss of heartbreak, loss, depression, and isolation  …Thanks to a very special healer, and the high vibrational ascension energies at Medicine Festival, back in 2022, the year we lost Mum, I realised this. And more importantly, I realised that it was in my power to pull myself out from what felt like the point of no return…

It was either anti depressants, or embarking on the micro dosing path. It’s a very personal choice, both have their merits, and I am not here to give favour to one over the other… 

My decision was very well informed, and led me down the plant medicine route. Back to myself… For the first time in my life, I came face to face with my triggers, and not only met them lucidly but started to truly understand them and own them. I stopped blaming others and looked within - openly, and honestly. I unlocked my third eye (aka pineal gland) and connected to my Higher consciousness. I tuned into the source within.

I cleared out ALL the toxins and opened up my neural pathways and receptors to healing: changing my life, my outlook, and my focus. Clearing the stuck-ness. Leading me back to an empowered sense of vulnerability. A state that I find myself in now, where I am taking ownership of it. 

I want to share my story, so I might help you…

Moving through the battle ground of grief, without my Mum, my friend, a kindred female energy in my family to speak to, I have had to navigate vulnerability in many guises this last year …

• Rejection and abandonment - fear of letting new people in, letting my guarded walls down, for fear of being judged. Letting myself be truly seen, and dropping the mask. It’s been terrifying but so worth pushing through, to a greater sense of self

• Unravelling and understanding what it is to be neuroatypical female, who has spent her entire life masking. And who does not want to be labelled now, as anything other than gloriously unique 

• Facing the self doubt and self critic when I contemplated change, and the gnawing feeing in my stomach trying to keep me small

• The limiting beliefs that pop up when networking my business, and offerings out to the world and in collaborations. The voice trying to tell me I am not good enough

• The inner child that still tries to tell me I am shy, when I go to open up in sharing circles

• The vulnerability in finding my writing voice again… Coming from a different place now: not based on survival and grief, but on thriving and embracing happiness. Transformation and fulfilment, in a new existence. And not feeling guilty to share. Guided by growth, expansion, and mindful awareness…

The last year has seen exponential change for me. I have pushed past every single sticky, awkward, exhausting emotion, and self imposed block. Letting go of fear, owning my triggers, surrendering to trust, being brave, putting myself out there, and pushing past all the uncomfortable self sabotage rearing its head, trying to keep me safe and small. With steely resolve, total determination, and a clear vision, I have started to make my dreams actually happen… 

Leaving London and all my friends, closing a massive chapter in my life, a carefully crafted safety unit, and everything that was familiar. Manifesting and securing my perfect, bohemian palace, of a home in Brighton; 10 minutes walk from the ocean, after seeing 20 houses and holding out for the one. Moving into the acceptance stage of grief. Starting a brand new chapter living by my self, with only a handful of friends to call on. Finding community. Finding new, like minded, soulful tribe members and friends. Letting Love in to my heart. 

I am still pinching myself. 

Knowing that my voice matters and needs to be heard, caring less what people think, letting go of the desire to please everyone. It’s been a life long process but something has finally shifted. I now find myself in a position where I am owning my vulnerability, as a part of me, wholeheartedly and unapologetically. 

Unmasking. Being vulnerable to trust new connections. Stepping into my truth as an embodied wise woman, and healer. Awakening. Sharing my gifts: having faced my own shadows, wounds, triggers, insecurities, and fears.

My journey over the last year has been all about emancipation, transformation, evolution and metamorphosis. Fearlessly Becoming…  If you had told me a year ago, I would be where I am now, honestly, I would never have believed you. 

I am doing the work, continuously pushing myself out of my comfort zone. The self enquiry: mind, body and Spirit, and continue to every day. Taking the learnings - all the pain and things we so naturally want to squash - into the now. 

I am happy, fulfilled, and owing my own needs, desires and dreams: mindfully, purposefully and intentionally. I have given myself permission to be vulnerable. And wow, it feels good. 

This is by far the greatest phase of vulnerability…  Stepping into my fullness and power, channeling death and rebirth. Thriving… I write this as a message of hope. If you are ready, I can guide you there too. It is possible. If I can do it, anyone can. 

I leave you with an oldie, but such a goodie and from one of my heroines…

Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

Vulnerability, my friends, is a GIFT.

Life is a game of Ying and Yang, Light and Shade. Life and Death. Let us embrace what it means to be vulnerable, and be there for each other. ✨💖✨

Much LOVE and Light,

Ghislaine. xx

Letting the Light in …

On December 21st last year, Winter Solstice, I flew half way across the world to start the process of finally making peace with my grief (having lost my beautiful Mum 9 months before) and to embark on some deep healing. I arrived back to the UK refreshed and rejuvenated from all the yummy Light energy, and special times in Mother Nature with family and friends. I was ready to Bring It. But the Universe had other ideas and thew me some serious curve balls…

2 nasty injuries, loosing work, missing Mum desperately, grabbling with loneliness and overwhelm, the relentless wet and bitterly cold dark days, not knowing where to park my grief, starting therapy - having to surrender to trust with a total stranger, and opening up old scary wounds. Doing the Shadow Work… It was intense, ugly, painful and brutal. I felt as if I had taken *huge* steps back when surely I was meant to in a better place by now. It wasn’t meant to hurt this much. I was angry, and felt so alone in the world.

One of the hardest lessons for me was relinquishing my expectations of others; understanding that grief and loneliness are still, sadly, almost taboo subjects in this country, people will avoid them at all costs, unless they too are taken down and stuck in the trenches.

I came to a sense of understanding that no matter what pain I was in, sometimes, you just have to push through it on your own. One of the NLP presuppositions, which is now a constant go- to for me, really helped:

“People are doing the best they can with the resource they have available”.

I realised that no matter how much people loved me, they didn’t always have the space, or capacity, to be there. They had their own world of shit going on. I get that now but my gosh, it’s not easy… If you happen to be reading this and my story resonates - please reach out. I got you. 

You see, wounds can lead us to a different path, a path of profound connection and transformative growth. Once I got my head around that, things got easier. I found a sense of Acceptance in myself, and with the situation. I stopped blaming others and tuned within. I embraced all the messy, vulnerable emotions with compassion in my heart, checked my ego, embarked on some serious deep change work, started manifesting, coaching, attracted a mentor, and got my head down. I continued the healing growth journey, staying sober, continuing with the plant medicine, and being accountable truly to myself. I delved and dug deep into my being, on a singular mission to use my pain as a positive. To push forwards purposefully, grateful for the lessons.

So once and for all, I could turn my visions into a reality: to start doing what I truly believe in - helping and inspiring others through all my studies, and continued learnings, elevating consciousness through authenticity, and transparency, and spreading the message of LOVE.

We are in this together, you and I. All of us connected cosmically, and for a greater purpose - one filled with infinite possibilities.

Summer Solstice is a time to celebrate the Light of consciousness within ourselves, and within each and every one of us; to reflect upon the potential for our consciousness to awaken and stir, to expand all the more, personally and collectively.  The bright Sun influences our pineal gland - our Third Eye - which is known as the seat of consciousness, or as the seat of our Soul.

It is said that the Solstice brings a thinning of the veil, allowing the world of Spirit and the world of the material to feel far less separate. It is also said that on the Solstice eve, the entire energy grid of the planet moves into harmony, allowing us to connect with Spirit with greater ease and the healing powers of Mother Earth.

Beauties, revel in the magic. Walk barefoot on the grass, ground, sit under a tree, listen to the sounds of the birds, Mother Earth in full flow.  Journal, stretch out, breathe and embrace the power within to keep evolving. Ready to dance in to the second half of the year stronger and wiser.

Today is the perfect opportunity to connect to our true self, our Highest Self, for our Highest potential... And the perfect day to launch Return to Source to the world, for continued healing, collaborations, and transformation. I’m excited to share this journey with you. 

With Much Love, G. x